Buzz Light Year... To Infinity and Beyond

Most people will know who Buzz is. As I stated in a previous post, TLM loves Buzz. The FB came over last night, and pulls out a Buzz Light Year sheet set for TLM. what the? I was completely floored. He tried playing it off all casually. But he knows it was super sweet of him to do that. I must say he threw me through a loop. Damn it. He is growing on me, this confuses me.
We had a very nice evening together. By 7:30 I was pretty buzzed (haha) We finished off the wine, I made some dinner, and we smoked a little. We went to the bedroom to watch Meet the Fockers. Well I was a little preoccupied. I really can't seem to help myself this week. The Ex would die if he knew the FB was getting it so much... The Ex and I rarely had sex 2x in a 24hr period. Whereas with FB we rarely do it only once. ahhh.... He's got it so good... I was making him say it last night. Its hard for him to admit that he has it so good, cause I then have the upper hand.. but who am I kidding I know I have to upper hand. He tries and tries to keep this tough guy persona going. But I see the other side of him.
Damn.. I feel like everything I feel is always a contradiction. Blah.

Computer Issues

I really need to take some kind of class so I know what Im doing on here. I get so frustrated when I cant figure things out on my own.. I noticed yesterday that my right sidebar is way,way down on the right. This aggravates me, it looks silly. I tried going through support to no avail. I don't know what the heck Im reading. I want to be able to go into my template section and spruce this shit up a little.

Then there is our comouter software at work... Everyday we have issues. It runs slow, freezes up, error messages, that makes us log out. Everyday this happens. Why did the company convert to this? They spent alot of fucking money on a system that is constantly having issues. The more offices the get implemented onto the system the slower it becomes. We are a world wide company! Our office was the first to receive the software 2 yrs ago... and they are still rolling it out in other countries. Monday's and Friday's are practically useless, because we have more issues on those days than any other.... *sigh* I really don't like it here anymore. It is so completely boring. I should not have taken to more money to stay. Ive been more miserable since May. Every Wednesday feels like it should at least be Thursday.
Why am I so cranky this morning? Not sure... hmm

Tag Im it!

Ok I almost didn't do this, but what the hell .... one of my favorite reads http://www.essfingers.com/ has tagged me!
So here I go....

1. What were three of the stupidest things you have done in your life?
* Passing up going to Johnson and Wales for College....instead I moved to the big city, attended a 2 yr school and didn't even finish
* Believed everything "he" told me.
* Insisted on driving knowing full well I was intoxicated, and got a DUI not 10 mins later.
2. At the current moment, who has the most influence in your life?
* My Son- he is my rock, and helps keep me grounded.
3. If you were given a time machine that functioned, and you were allowed to only pick up five people to dine with, who would you pick?
* My Father, I just want to tell him that I love him. I didn't get that chance before his heartattack
* Jeff Buckley
* Kurt Cobain
* Lady Diana
* hmm one more... um um um....
4. If you had three wishes that were not supernatural, what would they be?
* To pay off all my friends and families debt.. including mine.
* Live abroad for a year or two. Italy is my dream destination.
* Purchase my son's college education now!
5. Someone is visiting your hometown/place where you live at the moment. Name two things you regret your city not having, and two things people should avoid.
Can't say that I can think of two things I regret that Philly doesn't have...I've never ran into this problem...
1 thing to try and avoid is ... RT 76 at during rush hour East or West
6. Tag 3 people - just cause I can.
hmm three people.. I'm not postive I have 3 people who read me...LOL but here goes nothing...

and tell me how do I add a link with out all the mumbo jumbo, like ESSF does it?

ok back to being bored at work!

Is it hot enough for you?

So today is suppose to be like the hottest day so far this year for the Philly region. Let me just say, I sure am happy that I work in a nicely air conditioned office!! The job may be boring as hell, but Im not all sweaty.
Things have been good in my neck of the woods. no I didnt keep any promises to myself. Everything that I wrote, and thought, went out the window last Weds. This is typical behaviour for me. I am a weak girl. So the FB and I have patched things up-for now. He came with Angi and Andy to the brewery last week. It was a little tense at first, cause I could see in his eyes he was upset that I hadn't taken his call, knor called him. But a couple beers in, and he was putty in my hands. I looked at him and said your coming home with me, you realize that right? :) And home we went. Oh yes we talked talked and talked. Did all that talking mean anything? Probably not. But damn I did miss him. tsk tsk karen!
The weekend was good. Pretty low key. We all went out Saturday noght because the band had a show, over in Landsdale. I was pretty hesitant to go. FB assured me he wouldn't ruin my night. So I decided to take his word on it. The night went great. Angi and played some pool, beat some peeps. Got some high fives, hootin and hollerin! I impressed the FB with my behind the back shot, and actually made it! We didn't get oout of there until 2:45... the ride home was 30 mins. and you know who was driving. Who always drives? Yep that's right me! I was very responsible though. I even impressed myself. 4 beers of 4.5 hrs. not bad. not bad at all. Didn't get to sleep until 5am... then the crew went to breakfast at 11:00..bought the little man a blow up pool, shot some quaits. It was an ok day. FB was pretty quiet, and if he's not in a joviel mood then it usually brings me down. Also it was so damn hot.
So all in all it was a good weekend. I'm happy with myself, because I was very well behaved. me and th FB made up for lost time in the bedroom. I don't know what it is with this week, but I can't seem to get enough. I mean Sunday evening, I couldn't get TLM to bed fast enough, so I could then wake FB up with my mouth...he's coming over tonight, since TLM is at his Fathers, and all I can think about is what I want to do to him. *sigh* 4 more hours of work! blah!
Matt is going away this weekend with his girl. He is unable to take TLM for the weekend. I've been thoroughly enjoying TLM, so this doesn't bother me. He's been so well behaved lately, eating his dinner, and using his manners correctly. It kills me sometimes how much he looks like Matt. I never thought he looked like him, now all of a sudden it's like I have a miniture Matt living with me. The kid will have Matts music skills that I believe is quite evident. He just can't be as dorky has his Dad. He has my sense of humor and attitude!! An attitude that I will regret passing on to him when he's older.
Oh well lunch is over and I guess I should try and get somethng done.... well after I read a few more blogs.

My Boo Boo Bear

I had a very enjoyable evening with my little man last night. I love when we have these types of evenings. Nights when he listens, he eats, and just seems to be thoroughly enjoying himself. He's really on this super hero kick... Before vacation it was Batman. He was wearing his Halloween cape and mask EVERYWHERE....now that he is back from vaca. we seem to be on the Superman kick. Oh and let's not forget Buzz Lightyear. I bought him a Buzz on Satuday and you can barely tear it out of his hands. Back to Superman... last night he was being all dramatic about not being able to find his smaller action figure of Superman. I told him to use is Justice League Superman (he's quite larger). But he explained to me that he did not want to use the larger one because his hair was not right. his hair? what the? LOL... this kid cracks me up. I cant help but laugh at him. In the end we did find the "right" Superman, and further meltdown was avoided.
It's been noticed by Matt and myself, that our 3 1/2 year old is very interested in girls. Is this normal? His Father isn't the type to talk about hot chicks, and lord knows Im not. So where is he getting this from? He talks about being grown up and having a girlfriend. I always reply that he has a long time before he is old enough to have a girlfriend. I guess this has to do with Matt and I being separated. Matt has a girlfriend so maybe that is where the whole girlfriend thing is coming from. Yesterday when I picked him up at "school" his little friend Sarah was quick to give him a hug and kiss!!! The teacher responded to the kiss. Both children then declared that they were going to get married when they grow up. Note: this is not the first time he has talked of marrying Sarah. I think this cute and all, but I can't help but wonder if I've done something wrong, or what I need to do to defuse such talk.. Im trying not to make a big deal about it, hoping it will pass. Parenting- oh what fun!
3:00am TLM starts crying, I go into his room to see what is the matter. He tells me that he fell off his bed..lol... poor thing! He's so restless when he sleeps that he pushes his bed rail out and falls off the bed.
I will miss him this evening, He is going to his Father's. But he'll be back tomorrow, and I have him then till Tues! I'm trying to think of something fun for us to do, that costs next to nothing. I'm sure we will come up with something, we usually do!

Regarding me, Im going to the Brewery tonight with A &A. Not goig to go for too long. But my horoscope was too good today, to not go out. You just never know who you may wind up meeting.. Still haven't talked to FB, although he did just try my cell when I started this entry. No, I did not answer it. I'm still feeling very positive, and happy with myself. :)

hey there!

how you doin? I'm doing pretty well myself, thank you.
So my little man is home from vacation, and this Mama is happy. I missed him so. Matt met me on Saturday to drop him off, and surprisingly he was alone. Thats twice now. I can't help but want him, every single time I see him. All I can think of is how good it would feel to make love to him....blah blah blah... enough of that!! I know it's so boring!
I've been pretty boring lately, and you know what? I'm content with that. I did nothing this weekend, and I was so thoroughly happy with myself. I didn't do drugs, and drink all weekend. I got 2 good nights of rest, spent quality time with my son, and visited family.
I haven't talked to the FB and really don't care to. And I really mean that. I'm so sick of him messing with my head, then making me feel like I'm doing something wrong. It is not wrong to expect better from someone. I deserve better. I deserve to have someone respect me. Our "relationship" was based on sex and drugs. And that gets old quick! I was actually enjoying him when we weren't fucked up, and I know he was enjoying me too. But then he pulls away, and fucks everything up. So I've been laying low, and loving it. I feel like Im my old self again. Angi came over last night. I didn't want to go to her house because FB would be there for band practice. And Im able to hang out with him, I just dont want to at this point. The band is playing on Friday the 29th, so I figure that will be my night to come back out. And Im going to look hot as shit, and have some fun. And I'm not going to let him ruin my night.
So I pulled out my journal from 1996- I refer to this time period as the Mac period. ahhh mac... the boy that changed me forever. most messed up relationship ever. but I was infatuated with him. And refused to let go after we broke up. I was borderline crazy. It took me a very long time to get over him. We are friends now. He lives in VA. It took me a long time to get to this point. He will always hold a special place in my heart, and I will always love him. But looking back on everything, what a naive girl I was. Truthfully I haven't changed much when it comes to my relationships. I'm almost obsessive, and don't went to let go... ie: the ex (matt). Is it so wrong to believe in something, and not want to give up?
-Also in my journal it's interesting to see how many different handwriting style I actually have...lol... sometimes it's hard to believe that it is my writing. At the beginning of the journal, I was only a pot smoker, by the end of the journal, sometime in 97, I was a Meth addict. oh how the handwriting style was at the point. I was practically scribbling. My writing was very erratic. My thoughts so jumbled. I once wrote 13 pages front and back glassed (meth) up, I wrote for 3.5 hrs. I was so messed up back then. Im so very grateful for my life now. I hit rock bottom and left the city to retreat back to the burbs. And here I am.
So obvioulsy i've been doing alot of thinking about my life these past few days. I could see what direction it was heading, while hanging with the FB. So Im going to turn things around, and be a even better person!! And damn I will find someone who treats me good, and someone who deserves to be treated good by me! Cause Im done wasting my time on assholes like the FB.
tata for now!

trudging along

It's been a pretty normal week on the home front. Well normal except for the fact that I don't have my little batman impersonator at home. Who I miss like crazy!
I thought I would of spent alot of time alone this week. But I thought wrong. FB has been there every night. And actually it's been quite enjoyable. This fucks my head up, just a little. I used to prefer the FB fucked up, but funny thing is, we've hit a point. And now I prefer him normal. Christ that guy can make me laugh sometimes. I find myself wishing he could just be a little bit different. Different meaning, more responsible, and more stable. He is anything but these 2 things. He tends to go over board and doesnt know when to stop. It is a shame. I mean he's 33yrs old and acts like he's 19 sometimes.
Anyway no real point to this post. Just getting ready to eat my lunch. I've been a good little worker bee at work this week... I love it when its busy.
I have a funeral to go to tomorrow. My Aunt's husband died of a heartattack on Tues. He was only 55... I feel bad for my 12 yr old cousin. thats rough. My Aunt is ok, they we're in a the process of divorcing. he was a quiet guy. Never really said much. He didnt seem like a happy person. The whole situation reminds me too much of when my Father died when I was 19. I can't imagine being 12, and being told my Father died. My little brother was like 9 or 10 when Dad died. He's never really been the same. Luckily for me I have another Dad. One who has been a major role model in my life, and has probably been there for me, more than my biological Dad. I feel guilty saying that. But the truth is the truth. If it wasn't for my 2nd Dad, I don't know where I'd be right now. My Mom's 2nd Ex husband is my 2nd Dad. He took me in as his own after my Mom divorced him, and after I put him through complete hell for approx. 6 yrs while they were married. He let me live with him all through high school. And these are the years I was at my worse behaviour. But he loved me, and took care of me. My Mom never gave him anything. She was always too busy with her personal life, and she still is. I've apoligized to him for my behaviour all those years. It shames me to think about what a freakin brat I was.
Ok I got eat!

Boogie Nights

This Satuday felt like I was in a movie, fo real!! I mean unbelievable. So I went to this party Saturday. A party I didnt even want to go to because I didnt need the FB stressing me out. But Angi talked me into it, and truthfully how could I not go to a party. We had to drive 1.5hrs to get there. And this is after waiting for 2 hrs outside, for the whole band to show up and get the equipment together. I hate waiting, I mean hate it! So around 7ish we get to the party, Angi's saying as we are driving down this gravel driveway into the woods, that the house is suppose to be awesome, like MTV cribs awesome. We pulled up and hell yea it was sweet. I have to admit I dont think I've ever been in such a nice place. I was slightly intimidated. But everyone was awesome! Super nice. and what a mix off people I mean people in the early 40's down to early 20's. Built in pool hot tub, a hot tub in which I spent lots of time in. Surrounded by boys mind you. oh yea, I was having fun.
I was only suppose to stay till 9:00, then I told Arianne to come to the party instead of me leaving. Then I turned into angry drunk girl, and told her not to come that I would come to her, because FB was being a jerk. Long story short, my very good friend Andy, was smart to take my keys from me. and I thanked him, the next day. I chilled in my car awhile, then rejoined the party a new girl! the alcohol ran out at about 3ish, FB and I didnt leave until like 5:30... all of our friends left at like 2:30.
I really love go to places when you dont know hardly anyone. It such a great time meeting new people. I really do thrive on it. there was even a boy there with my birthday. this happens to me all the time... I even half predicated that he was going to say we had the same birthday. He was like how did you know. yes I saw his license! he wasnt feeding me pick up lines.lol.. and he was only 22 ouch!
I lost a contact come nightfall while in the hot tub. So I had to walk around most the evening with one eyeball. this part was not fun.. actaully it was very annoying.
My camera batteries died soon after we arrived. me the pciture girl and I dont have camera!! But I did get a few.....

my boo bear, is on vacation with his dad. I was totally missing him yesterday! But at the same time its nice to just go home to a clean house. I talked to him this morning, I miss him..sniffle sniffle

post 4th of July post

yea yea I know, it's Weds! And it's 5! I'm in our Ewing office tomorrow, so I won't have access to a puter. Damn I seriously need to get a puter at home! I told my co-worker I would be so much more productive, if I had access at home. I hoping to score a lap top from IT, since Im now traveling to 2 offices.
The past weekend was fun. FB is acting weird. And I'm not sure what to do about him. I'm just going to go on my merry way, and wait for him to snap out of it. Here we are on Friday night after their show,,, yes I know my face is super oily....
friday night went on forever! My girl Arianne and her hot boy came up... we ditched out of the bar to go back to my place for a little partying. They left after that. I went back to the bar, and danced to the guys playing. We had a blast. Closed the bar down, then went over to a friends house till about 6am. The FB was pretty quiet once we got to our friends house. At one point he was even upstairs watching TV by himself. weird.... We didn't go to sleep until like 11am, and slept till 5pm Saturday. I hate when I do this. I missed a perfect summer day. Not to mention, a bunch of my friends went to Live 8. what a way to waste a day- sleeping hmmf!
We stayed in the rest of the evening.
Saturday my neighbor had a party. Can't beat a bbq in your own backyard. no drinking and driving. The Ex brought TLM back at 5ish. So he was running around. He looks so damn cute with his hair cut. He sure does look like his father... too much.

So the party started at my neighbors, and ended at my house at like 5:30... yes that is 2 nights of sleep I lost this past weekend. And damn my ass is dragging. A good time was had by all, well all except FB, cause once again he was being real quiet. He and some guys left for another party and got back at 2:30. He came back with slight attitude cause he knew someone at the party was hitting on me. he proceeded to drill me with questions... which was a little weird, cause we are suppose to have a open "relationship" and here he is acting all weird. He then tells me he doesnt trust me, meaning he doesnt believe I didnt give up the digits. I said Im not going to defend myself because Im telling the truth and he is acting rediculous. talk about exhausting. what with the ex and the FB, I am happy to lay low at home by myself. I dont even want to go to Angi's cause I'll talk about the FB.

I didnt get to see much of the firworks because TLM freaked out! I had to take him inside the house. Where he proceeded to be overdramatic, saying "oh someone save me please same me" I was cracking up. TLM has really taken a liking to the FB's friend....TLM is always asking for him when he's around. Its quite funny.... here is me and FB's friend M...

And one more of my little man, Im outta here! bye!

Pre-4th of July post-

I so needed to post this on Friday. But we got out of work early, and you just know I wasn't sticking around! But Friday morning was muy interesting.

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