Friday, July 28, 2006
Last Day
Well today is my last day at my current job. I am excited to start my new job on Monday. Im excited for what may be in store for me. My work experience here hasn't been the best. I've never really been happy here, can;t really put my finger on why. Most likely it is just me, nontheless Im happy to move on. So much has happened in the 3yrs Ive been here, personally that is.
When I started here Matt and I were together, Cam was just a little guy. We had a nice house 5mins away, that is no longer in existance. I was happy, relatively. Except for when he cheated on me, and except for time he put a profile on adult friend finder, and I found it. oy vey! I thought I had it all back then. Then the rug was pulled out. Got preganant a 2nd time, and that was not to be. he realized he once and for all he doesn't want to marry me, and I should move out. Move out I did. I met some great in my new little life. I developed a bad drug problem, but since then have pulled myself out of the thick of it. I've had some good times. I realize though with me starting a new job, I want to better myself even more. I want to be more professional. I wont bear my soul to a coworker who I think is my friend so she can then turn around and inform my supervisor of everything that is going on in my life. (thanks bea)
*sigh* Just a litte venting sorry.
I am finally going to the Dr. today to get a script for Zyrtec. I cant wait!!! My cats are killing me slowly..lol. hanging out tonight. Married guy called me watned me to go to AC with him. married guy? you say. yes married guy. Dont hate me, Im not that girl who goes after married men, or even guys with girlfriends. This is someone who I have a past with (prior to his marriage) and we are friends. Anyways, Im going to my cousins wedding tomorrow. The reception is at maggianos... hmmm hmm good!
With this being my last day and all, I wont have the same computer access. I'll try and update soon!
oh you must check out his new myspace pic.... melts my heart... www.myspace.com/mattcourage... sniffle sniffle
When I started here Matt and I were together, Cam was just a little guy. We had a nice house 5mins away, that is no longer in existance. I was happy, relatively. Except for when he cheated on me, and except for time he put a profile on adult friend finder, and I found it. oy vey! I thought I had it all back then. Then the rug was pulled out. Got preganant a 2nd time, and that was not to be. he realized he once and for all he doesn't want to marry me, and I should move out. Move out I did. I met some great in my new little life. I developed a bad drug problem, but since then have pulled myself out of the thick of it. I've had some good times. I realize though with me starting a new job, I want to better myself even more. I want to be more professional. I wont bear my soul to a coworker who I think is my friend so she can then turn around and inform my supervisor of everything that is going on in my life. (thanks bea)
*sigh* Just a litte venting sorry.
I am finally going to the Dr. today to get a script for Zyrtec. I cant wait!!! My cats are killing me slowly..lol. hanging out tonight. Married guy called me watned me to go to AC with him. married guy? you say. yes married guy. Dont hate me, Im not that girl who goes after married men, or even guys with girlfriends. This is someone who I have a past with (prior to his marriage) and we are friends. Anyways, Im going to my cousins wedding tomorrow. The reception is at maggianos... hmmm hmm good!
With this being my last day and all, I wont have the same computer access. I'll try and update soon!
oh you must check out his new myspace pic.... melts my heart... www.myspace.com/mattcourage... sniffle sniffle
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
short update
3 more days left at my current job. Im getting itchy to get out of here. I called off on Monday, was suppose to get my back tires replaced. The tire place had to order them though, so I was s.o.l. I am suppose to return today, I am awaiting their call.
My cats are slowly killing me. Im trying to get a hold of my Dr's office to get a script of Zyrtec. I felt great over the weekend, but I wasn't home. My allergies have progressivly gotten worse since I returned to the apt. I just know my Dr's is going to insist on me coming in, but I don't have the time or money. I just want them to call it in.
This past weekend as nice. We all headed to the shore. A&A brought Evan (hes 11) and I brought Cam. We stayed in the Miller's camper. had a areally nice homecooked dinner on Saturday. It really wasn't beach weather, but we went anyway. Sunday I was pretty misserable, I don't even know why. The FB and I got into a huge arguement via telephone on Sunday night. It all stemmed from me not wanting him to come over and spend the night (party) I said if he got a car he can come over, but he's not sleeping there. I don't want to feel uncomfortable when it comes time to go to bed. He gets all weird and looks at me with his craxcked out eyes. Then when Im in bed I always feel like he is peeking in on me. 9 times of 10 he tries to change my mind, and to hook up with him. ew, not going to happen. Its weird how someone can so completey gross you out, when at one time it was completely opposite. So now we are not speaking, and I feel great!!!!
The crying I did Sunday was crazy. I hadn't cried like that in so long. I couldn't breath, I was so emotional. I was even stupid enough to pull out the journal from when the Ex and I were together. Talk about crying!! Well this morning I realized why;my little friend has come to town. And boy do I feel ill this morning.
My 30 th is coming up, Im sure I've already said this. (9/9) I had been planning a pig roast-party at the Millers. Im thinking that, that isn't the best idea at this time. So now Im kicking around a day at the beach, a room in AC, a nice dinner, partying and dancing; with those who mean the most to me. Another option would be New York for the night. AC seems more feasible. Time will tell I'd like to know within 2 weeks so I can book the room.
Any b-day suggestions?
i have to do a separate post for pics again! what is up with blogger?
My cats are slowly killing me. Im trying to get a hold of my Dr's office to get a script of Zyrtec. I felt great over the weekend, but I wasn't home. My allergies have progressivly gotten worse since I returned to the apt. I just know my Dr's is going to insist on me coming in, but I don't have the time or money. I just want them to call it in.
This past weekend as nice. We all headed to the shore. A&A brought Evan (hes 11) and I brought Cam. We stayed in the Miller's camper. had a areally nice homecooked dinner on Saturday. It really wasn't beach weather, but we went anyway. Sunday I was pretty misserable, I don't even know why. The FB and I got into a huge arguement via telephone on Sunday night. It all stemmed from me not wanting him to come over and spend the night (party) I said if he got a car he can come over, but he's not sleeping there. I don't want to feel uncomfortable when it comes time to go to bed. He gets all weird and looks at me with his craxcked out eyes. Then when Im in bed I always feel like he is peeking in on me. 9 times of 10 he tries to change my mind, and to hook up with him. ew, not going to happen. Its weird how someone can so completey gross you out, when at one time it was completely opposite. So now we are not speaking, and I feel great!!!!
The crying I did Sunday was crazy. I hadn't cried like that in so long. I couldn't breath, I was so emotional. I was even stupid enough to pull out the journal from when the Ex and I were together. Talk about crying!! Well this morning I realized why;my little friend has come to town. And boy do I feel ill this morning.
My 30 th is coming up, Im sure I've already said this. (9/9) I had been planning a pig roast-party at the Millers. Im thinking that, that isn't the best idea at this time. So now Im kicking around a day at the beach, a room in AC, a nice dinner, partying and dancing; with those who mean the most to me. Another option would be New York for the night. AC seems more feasible. Time will tell I'd like to know within 2 weeks so I can book the room.
Any b-day suggestions?
i have to do a separate post for pics again! what is up with blogger?
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Picture Post
Below is Cam and my girl Arianne, who lives in Alaska.
The picture feature wasnt working prior... so here you go!
The picture feature wasnt working prior... so here you go!
The other boy is my cousin Jon.
Doenst Cam look excited on the airplane!
Friday, July 14, 2006
Did you miss me?
Time for my monthly update!! Thanks to Amy for prodding me a little. I attempted to update earlier this week, but I didn't it's been busy, busy, busy.
So Disney has come and gone . I'll tell ya at first it was NOT fun. I started off the vacation on the WRONG foot. Reverted back to my bad ways. I had a few people over Thursday night and the night didnt end. I got up for work on that Friday, and proceeded with the day. My plane was scheduled to leave at 8:10. I left work at 2:00pm. My friend Andy drove Cam and I to the airport, but we hit the worse traffic EVER. I was so stressing out. It took 2.5 hrs to get to the airport which is normally a 45min ride. Thank god for Andy, cause he kept me calm, I was seriously about to lose my shit. So we made the plane. Cam totally loved his first plane ride. It was such a great experience. We didn't arrive in Orlando till about 11:30, and didnt get to the hotel till after midnight. Yes midnight. That means I had been up for 30 some hours. I was exhausted. We went straight to bed. My Aunt had us up at like 6:30 in the morning and we returned to the hotel for a brief 1.5 hr nap then headed back out till 9:30. I was about to drop dead. Cam was driving me crazy. Where did this whinny child come from? I could handle him if we were alone. It is so hard reprimanding your child in public, and then on top of that I feel Im being judged by my Aunt and her son. I'll tell ya the first two days were very trying on me. We were going going going. I wanted to cry so bad. Cam was scared of just about everything, but we made him do everything anyway, trying to convince him all the while that there is nothing to be scared about. In the end he would be all like Mom that wasn't scary at all. See I told you!!! The food we ate was delicious, I swear I gained mucho weight while there. The beer was outrageous, but you know I got my drink on anyway! $ 5.30 a 16oz of bud, anywhere you went, My Aunt was like I didn't know we brought uncle george (alcoholic) along. Hell I deserved at least one drink, ok 2 at the end of the day! Please!
We stayed at the Animal Kingdom Lodge. It was beautiful, we had animals right outside the patio. The pillows were amazing!! I wanted to steal one soooo bad. So thats my Disney trip in a nutshell.
As I said in my last post the Ex went on a romantic vaca. with his girlie when Cam and I returned from Florida. I had one day rest, then it was Me and Cam for another week. But it was great.
I haven't been doing anything much. I've actually been staying in a lot more. I like this. My friend J, hangs out with me all the time. Its been feeling a little complicated lately but we discussed the situation again. I made it clear that we are only friends and that is all its ever going to be. he doesn't pressure me, but I can tell he's been feeling differently. I feel bad, because I know I got it good. We go out to eat, or he'll bring over drinks or we go get drinks all the time. I am very grateful for our friendship. We go back a long way. I dont want to ruin our friendship. Besides Im just not sexually attracted to him. I wish I were. He is a GREAT guy, good heart, never raises his voice. He has a great job, and he is good looking, but I just can't look at him in "that" way.
The FB and I are 100% over!!! Its been a long time coming. And it didnt even end badly. I had been growing further and further away from him. We had gone to the beach a couple weeks ago as friends. And that was it. I told him I don't like him, like he likes me, and Im not going to. I have been saying this for sometime; he was just choosing to not believe me. I needed to distance myself more from him. ya see I found he was arrested, and he kept this from me all the while keeping up his bad habits even though that is what got him arrested. Short story is he is fucked, and he is the only one who can help himself. I can't abandon someone completely, that is just not me. But I havent talked to him in some time, although Im sure I'll run into him this weekend. He knows if he needs someone to talk to Im there, but that is it.
Any other boys? hmm no not really. #1 crush, I fucked that up. I cant even look at him anymore. It hurts my heart. He so let me down big time. I did break my last moral the other night. Im not proud of what I did. I did it purely for selfish reasons. I needed to feel wanted. And I did, I felt incredibly sexy. Those few pounds I gained didnt matter. I had this man over the other night,. I answered the door in my little black two piece, and he was pleased. I told him no talking, just get down to it. And boy he did. Within 5min I was standing naked in my living room, with him kissing me, starting with my mouth and working his way down. *sigh* I havent been kissed like that in so long. Not to mention the lower regions. Oh man this guy was always good at that. He used to be my booty call prior to meeting the Ex. I was so nervous about the other night because I'm heavier, and I've had a kid. Things really aren't the same.... The whole experience was ok. I got my momentary gratification of just doing it. having someone want me, and me not necessarily wanting them Just doing it to do it. He stayed for a little bit then headed home. He's been texting me, I haven't been replying. Im such a slut.
I feel I did what I did partially cause I felt like I had to be with someone other than the FB which was sometime ago, ok 3-4 weeks shut up...lol....Last weekend I had washed my comforter, pillows, EVERYTHING, I was washing him out of my life completely. So I had to move on sexually. Poor excuse, I know. But its my rationalization.
I start my new job on the 31st. It is at another engineering firm doing billing like I do currently. I thinking this lay off is the best thing ever. My new job is for 7000.00 more a year. that rocks!! I'm staying at my current position long enough to get my 1month severance. hoorah! I had 3 offers to chose from, it was a great confidence boost.
hmm what else. lets see... Im going to try and trade my car tomorrow. say a prayer for me . I really like the look of the Kia Rio5... that is what Im hoping for. Im going to a Kia dealership. I have an Elantra now, so Kia is basically the same car. that appointment is for tomorrow morning.
Tonight they are having a blob fest in p-ville. Remember the movie the Blob? well the movie theatre seen was filmed in our theatre. So they always have a block party. there is a skate shop doing a skate demo and my friends band is playing. So it should be a good evening,. The Ex is probably going to bring the little man down since they only live up the street. I look forward to the dirty looks little miss perfect is going to throw at me. oh well, I'll be busy!
oh oh oh, tomorrow Im attending a Rib Off with a bunch of people I have not seen in 10yrs (HS). its partly frightening, but also exciting. I knew moving back to my home town would bring about new happenings in my life! So far so good.
Hope you have great weekend, I plan on it!
tata!
So Disney has come and gone . I'll tell ya at first it was NOT fun. I started off the vacation on the WRONG foot. Reverted back to my bad ways. I had a few people over Thursday night and the night didnt end. I got up for work on that Friday, and proceeded with the day. My plane was scheduled to leave at 8:10. I left work at 2:00pm. My friend Andy drove Cam and I to the airport, but we hit the worse traffic EVER. I was so stressing out. It took 2.5 hrs to get to the airport which is normally a 45min ride. Thank god for Andy, cause he kept me calm, I was seriously about to lose my shit. So we made the plane. Cam totally loved his first plane ride. It was such a great experience. We didn't arrive in Orlando till about 11:30, and didnt get to the hotel till after midnight. Yes midnight. That means I had been up for 30 some hours. I was exhausted. We went straight to bed. My Aunt had us up at like 6:30 in the morning and we returned to the hotel for a brief 1.5 hr nap then headed back out till 9:30. I was about to drop dead. Cam was driving me crazy. Where did this whinny child come from? I could handle him if we were alone. It is so hard reprimanding your child in public, and then on top of that I feel Im being judged by my Aunt and her son. I'll tell ya the first two days were very trying on me. We were going going going. I wanted to cry so bad. Cam was scared of just about everything, but we made him do everything anyway, trying to convince him all the while that there is nothing to be scared about. In the end he would be all like Mom that wasn't scary at all. See I told you!!! The food we ate was delicious, I swear I gained mucho weight while there. The beer was outrageous, but you know I got my drink on anyway! $ 5.30 a 16oz of bud, anywhere you went, My Aunt was like I didn't know we brought uncle george (alcoholic) along. Hell I deserved at least one drink, ok 2 at the end of the day! Please!
We stayed at the Animal Kingdom Lodge. It was beautiful, we had animals right outside the patio. The pillows were amazing!! I wanted to steal one soooo bad. So thats my Disney trip in a nutshell.
As I said in my last post the Ex went on a romantic vaca. with his girlie when Cam and I returned from Florida. I had one day rest, then it was Me and Cam for another week. But it was great.
I haven't been doing anything much. I've actually been staying in a lot more. I like this. My friend J, hangs out with me all the time. Its been feeling a little complicated lately but we discussed the situation again. I made it clear that we are only friends and that is all its ever going to be. he doesn't pressure me, but I can tell he's been feeling differently. I feel bad, because I know I got it good. We go out to eat, or he'll bring over drinks or we go get drinks all the time. I am very grateful for our friendship. We go back a long way. I dont want to ruin our friendship. Besides Im just not sexually attracted to him. I wish I were. He is a GREAT guy, good heart, never raises his voice. He has a great job, and he is good looking, but I just can't look at him in "that" way.
The FB and I are 100% over!!! Its been a long time coming. And it didnt even end badly. I had been growing further and further away from him. We had gone to the beach a couple weeks ago as friends. And that was it. I told him I don't like him, like he likes me, and Im not going to. I have been saying this for sometime; he was just choosing to not believe me. I needed to distance myself more from him. ya see I found he was arrested, and he kept this from me all the while keeping up his bad habits even though that is what got him arrested. Short story is he is fucked, and he is the only one who can help himself. I can't abandon someone completely, that is just not me. But I havent talked to him in some time, although Im sure I'll run into him this weekend. He knows if he needs someone to talk to Im there, but that is it.
Any other boys? hmm no not really. #1 crush, I fucked that up. I cant even look at him anymore. It hurts my heart. He so let me down big time. I did break my last moral the other night. Im not proud of what I did. I did it purely for selfish reasons. I needed to feel wanted. And I did, I felt incredibly sexy. Those few pounds I gained didnt matter. I had this man over the other night,. I answered the door in my little black two piece, and he was pleased. I told him no talking, just get down to it. And boy he did. Within 5min I was standing naked in my living room, with him kissing me, starting with my mouth and working his way down. *sigh* I havent been kissed like that in so long. Not to mention the lower regions. Oh man this guy was always good at that. He used to be my booty call prior to meeting the Ex. I was so nervous about the other night because I'm heavier, and I've had a kid. Things really aren't the same.... The whole experience was ok. I got my momentary gratification of just doing it. having someone want me, and me not necessarily wanting them Just doing it to do it. He stayed for a little bit then headed home. He's been texting me, I haven't been replying. Im such a slut.
I feel I did what I did partially cause I felt like I had to be with someone other than the FB which was sometime ago, ok 3-4 weeks shut up...lol....Last weekend I had washed my comforter, pillows, EVERYTHING, I was washing him out of my life completely. So I had to move on sexually. Poor excuse, I know. But its my rationalization.
I start my new job on the 31st. It is at another engineering firm doing billing like I do currently. I thinking this lay off is the best thing ever. My new job is for 7000.00 more a year. that rocks!! I'm staying at my current position long enough to get my 1month severance. hoorah! I had 3 offers to chose from, it was a great confidence boost.
hmm what else. lets see... Im going to try and trade my car tomorrow. say a prayer for me . I really like the look of the Kia Rio5... that is what Im hoping for. Im going to a Kia dealership. I have an Elantra now, so Kia is basically the same car. that appointment is for tomorrow morning.
Tonight they are having a blob fest in p-ville. Remember the movie the Blob? well the movie theatre seen was filmed in our theatre. So they always have a block party. there is a skate shop doing a skate demo and my friends band is playing. So it should be a good evening,. The Ex is probably going to bring the little man down since they only live up the street. I look forward to the dirty looks little miss perfect is going to throw at me. oh well, I'll be busy!
oh oh oh, tomorrow Im attending a Rib Off with a bunch of people I have not seen in 10yrs (HS). its partly frightening, but also exciting. I knew moving back to my home town would bring about new happenings in my life! So far so good.
Hope you have great weekend, I plan on it!
tata!
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