deleting this blog today. time to move on. T- i'll let you know where you can find me. Figured Id start back up in a new home since I have all this downtime at work to write *wink*
everything on here is SO outdated and frankly embarassing. My late 20's were pretty damn wild. But I sure did f*ck up my life.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Monday, May 03, 2010
A new start..perhaps
So Im sitting here on this very rainy Monday morning, my last Monday morning unemployed sippin coffee and just enjoyng it. I think I may have a lot of those moments this week; the countdown is on. Do not get me wrong, I am thrilled to be going back to work, I m also just terrified, It has been 1yr and 7months that Ive been living a life of mostly leisure. Money is tough, it may actually be even tougher once I get back to work but I feel this is an opportunity that I cant pass up! I am happy to be billing again. It is a job I really enjoy. Im excited about getting some more AP and AR duties under my belt as well. I see this being a new start, a fresh start. . Im trying not to fret about the "what ifs" Im going to repeat positive things over and over again. I know what I can do, I know I am smart, and likeable. yea, yea tha sounds great...LOL
The commute factor is the thing that worries me most..I have Cam, Grandmom, and getting pulled over to stress about every freakin morning, till I have the money to make everything "better"
On another note..I should reread my last post. I was pretty upset with the bf at the time. We are together, things are different. This relationship moved way differently then most of my previous. I went from living with the guy practically immediately to him now living an hour away and hardly ever seeing him. I think this is best for now. Only so we can lear more about eachother, and meander down this road of a relationship. Otherwise Id be knocked up or dragging him to thr alter, because I tend to want to rush everything. I want instant gratification. All part of being an addict. *wink* I hate missing him, but it makes seeing him all the better. We make out like high school kids. He makes me feel things I havent felt since Cams Dad. And that is so faded I dont even remember Im just assuming. haha Wow I HAVE come along way. :)
Anyways... slow and steady winds the race. That will be my motto for my new job (starting at the bottom) and this relationship.
The commute factor is the thing that worries me most..I have Cam, Grandmom, and getting pulled over to stress about every freakin morning, till I have the money to make everything "better"
On another note..I should reread my last post. I was pretty upset with the bf at the time. We are together, things are different. This relationship moved way differently then most of my previous. I went from living with the guy practically immediately to him now living an hour away and hardly ever seeing him. I think this is best for now. Only so we can lear more about eachother, and meander down this road of a relationship. Otherwise Id be knocked up or dragging him to thr alter, because I tend to want to rush everything. I want instant gratification. All part of being an addict. *wink* I hate missing him, but it makes seeing him all the better. We make out like high school kids. He makes me feel things I havent felt since Cams Dad. And that is so faded I dont even remember Im just assuming. haha Wow I HAVE come along way. :)
Anyways... slow and steady winds the race. That will be my motto for my new job (starting at the bottom) and this relationship.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
small purge....
So I go back and forth in my head all the time about deleting this all together...but I just cant seem to do it. Main reason to delete wold bethe step-mom knows about this now, so anything can be used against me. sure I can go ahead and delete my past even though my past is the past...but I still have to consider all future writings. But Im going to need to do some writing this week. I gotta get shit off my chest. And facebook isnt the place for it.
The hardest part about my current break up is not defending myself, try and and let what is being said about me not hurt me. Because deep down I know why he's lashing out, why he is so angry. I'll never know why he is so paranoid. His problems arent mine, I cant change his thought processes. He just text me you're not friends with your exes you keep them around to give you things... which is absolutely hilarious. I have about 10 ex boyfriends on facebook and in my cell phone. I was thinking tonight. You know when you're in high school and you break with a guy and your a little scared of what they may divulge about you.. you know in high school you had those fears? I didnt realize being in your 30's men still were so mean and spiteful. Im so truly disappointed right now. Serioulsy I thought he was it. Finally I felt for someone like I felt for the ex... or did cause I havent shed one tear.... more later.
The hardest part about my current break up is not defending myself, try and and let what is being said about me not hurt me. Because deep down I know why he's lashing out, why he is so angry. I'll never know why he is so paranoid. His problems arent mine, I cant change his thought processes. He just text me you're not friends with your exes you keep them around to give you things... which is absolutely hilarious. I have about 10 ex boyfriends on facebook and in my cell phone. I was thinking tonight. You know when you're in high school and you break with a guy and your a little scared of what they may divulge about you.. you know in high school you had those fears? I didnt realize being in your 30's men still were so mean and spiteful. Im so truly disappointed right now. Serioulsy I thought he was it. Finally I felt for someone like I felt for the ex... or did cause I havent shed one tear.... more later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)